You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?
I tell people! I get so excited and immediately want everyone to know. When I saw this question, I immediately tried to think of the last time I got “great, amazingly fantastic” news. It’s been a really long time. What stands out in my mind is the time I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t trying for children though we definitely wanted them. It was just one of those surprises that terrified me given my mental and physical health issues and all the medication I was on. I told a few people and knew that I had to tell my old boss. Yeah, that boss. The woman I have been talking a lot about in therapy lately. I told her because I would need to leave school early for doctor’s appointments. I had them weekly because I was high risk, given my age and the health conditions I mentioned.
When I told her, she told me not to tell anybody at work. But I did. I told a couple people I trusted and I told the three teachers on my middle school team. I was happy and wanted them to know since we worked so closely together. In fact, one of the ladies was married to a gynecologist at the office I went to. They were equally happy for me and I saw nothing wrong with telling them. This was my news to share.
But then I suffered a miscarriage and those same ladies were concerned and worried about me. I only took one day off when it happened. They took their concerns to old boss, ultimately letting her know that I had told them I was pregnant in the first place. The lecture and criticism I received from her because I went against what she told me not to do makes me wonder why I went ahead and went to grad school for her after that. She had no right to tell me what to do with my news and criticize me when I didn’t do it. I know though that I ultimately went to grad school because I didn’t have a voice yet that I felt comfortable using to tell her no.
I’ll never forget that. Any of it. The joy from finding out I was pregnant when I didn’t think it was possible, to the devastation of losing our child, and then the criticism of how I processed my good news from someone I trusted and didn’t think would say something that low at a time when I was already hurting.
Just like my dad taught me that saying what I was thinking is dangerous, this woman taught me to be careful telling people things about myself. Which is why I’m sharing it. I will tell people whatever I want. Never again will I let someone’s opinion dictate what I say about my own life. Period.
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