What I’m doing and why I’m doing it–Journaling for Mental Health: A 30-Year Journey
Well, I found out we have no school on Monday. Alright! Best friend #1 got home today. She was staying at one of her friends houses. So, I told her the whole thing about boyfriend #2 and what he said. She swore up and down she didn’t say anything like that. So she called boyfriend #2 on 3-way and fussed him out, so bad! So that took care of that. Our power went out at 3:00 pm and didn’t come back on until 3:00 am! 12 hours with no heat, no t.v., no stereo, no nothin’! I was bored as hell! My parents and I played about 50 hands of cards. I won a bunch! For the duration of the period I talked on the phone. Mostly to best friend #1 and whoever she had on 3-way. We mostly talked about our 17 magazine and talked about the snow, sometimes boyfriend #2 would call on the other line. It was cool not having power ‘cause then I got to pick up the phone when it rang. (We always let the machine do it, but the power was out.) My period started today. I was prepared. Thank god! I really feel like a woman now. I mean, I shave my legs, use deo, have my period (it’s not the first time though). And I’m a teenager. So now I’m officially a woman!
I love how this entry showcases two things that are near and dear to me–#1 the 90s and #2 being a woman. The power going out was because of a particularly icy winter storm. The no school was because I lived (and still live) in North Carolina, i.e. the south. When winter weather is even suggested here, the state preemptively shuts down for several days. No power for 12 hours and the biggest thing I missed was my stereo. I think I still had a Walkman back then. Can’t remember if I had a portable c.d. player yet or not. But certainly no ipod or other rechargeable device for listening to music. No cell phones to be able to scroll or play games. Nothing to even scroll back then! This was pre-internet in every home and ages before cell data that could be used instead of wi-fi or could be used as a personal hotspot. So much 90s here! 3-way calling? Seventeen magazine? I’m tempted to say bring it back, but those things still exist, I’m sure. I know my sisters somehow know how to get all three of us on Facetime simultaneously. I don’t, but they do. And I’m also tempted to buy a Seventeen magazine just to see what they’re telling teenage girls this day and age.
I also find it ironic that I’m reflecting on this particular post now. I was so excited about doing all the things that made me feel like a woman. Periods hadn’t lost their novelty yet. I feel fortunate that even though I ended up dealing with polycystic ovary syndrome (having to get pelvic exams as a young teenager was traumatizing by the way), I never had periods that were all that bad. And now? I’m 99% sure that I have recently started peri-menopause. The beginning of the end of the marker by which I gauged my entry into womanhood. I’m not mourning its loss though. I actually kind of feel more like a woman now than I have in a very long time. There may be a post about that in the future.
Until then, I’m smiling as I think about teenage Sarah being so excited about growing up and getting older. Right now, she doesn’t know what’s coming down the line for her. And I want so badly to be with her when it starts to get really bad. I want to tell her that none of it lasts forever and that it is going to be better than she could ever imagine on the other side of it. She can’t know that now, but I’ll be here waiting for her when she does.
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