Without a doubt, I 100% believe in fate/destiny. However, I see it as God’s plan for me. Because I know that God has a plan for all of us. That’s what my faith has taught me. Things happen for a reason. My husband has a hard time with this. So many negative things have happened to us in the past few years that he has a very difficult time seeing how or why God would let so much happen to us in such a short time. I can see how that would be hard for anyone to understand. And while I don’t like that these things happened, I know there is a reason they did.
Walking away from my career is a perfect example of how I saw God’s plan in my life. There are lots of examples that I have seen up to that point last year, but I truly think what I experienced is the most powerful one.
My year as a principal was difficult and stressful from the start. My “mentor” only made it worse. I did a lot of praying that year. When the stress and anxiety reached their xenith, and I made the decision to quit, I thought that was it. I felt relief, I was happy. Things were good. Then my “mentor” asked me to reconsider. She gave me some compelling reasons why I should second guess my decision. So, just to humor her, I did.
I spent the weekend after she asked me to reconsider doing a lot of praying. In the later part of the day on Sunday, I got an intense feeling of inspiration and an all-around strong desire to come back the next year and give it my all. I was ready to take on the challenges that I knew were coming up. I was excited thinking of new ideas that I could implement. I whole-heartedly felt that this was God telling me that He wanted me to stay. So I called my “mentor” the next week and told her I would stay. I took back my resignation letter from my pastor and things were great!
Two days later, on the day before we were to get out for Easter break, my “mentor” called me. She kept me on the phone for 30 minutes saying the most vile and hateful things to me. The word “ungrateful” was used to describe me a LOT. She attacked how and where I was raised. The accusations and hatred just flowed easily out of her mouth. I could write a dissertation on that conversation alone.
Long story short, that conversation is what made me decide that I was quitting for good. That person was so involved in the school/church community that had I stayed, there would be no avoiding her. I couldn’t allow myself to stay in a place where I’m working with a person who thinks it’s o.k. to say things like that to me. By the way, she had been saying things like that to me, on a smaller scale for the entire 16 years I had worked there under her.
Bringing this back to God’s plan…I was so confused after that phone call. I was sure God had given me that feeling of wanting to stay. So then why allow that phone call only a few days later? I am certain that the phone call was necessary. He knew I needed to get out of there and having her rage at me in that narcissistic way of hers was the only way I was going to leave. He knew that was going to be enough for me. And it was. That was His plan. Getting out of there and starting this new life, that was my destiny. Actually, it might not be. This could be another step on the path to a different destiny. But I feel without a doubt that my life has a purpose. All of ours do.
I almost hesitate to share the story of that phone call. Some people that I know from “real life” may read this. It might get back to her what I’m saying. But that’s o.k. if it does because there is not one thing that I have shared on this post or any of my previous posts that are in anyway untrue. With everything going on in the United States right now, I have developed a kind of snarky attitude this weekend. I have a very “come at me” vibe. Since I’ve started using my voice, nothing (or nobody) is going to silence me. Just sayin’.
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