If humans had taglines, what would yours be?
I had a really good answer to this the last time the question came around. Back then, I said my theme or quote would be “She believed she could, so she did.”
Today I have the sequel. But it took me a while to think of it. I saw this question early in the day and marinated on it for a while. Then I ran into somebody that made my answer come oh so quickly.
My not-so-new-anymore job has me supervising a kids program over the summer. It involves me being there when kids are dropped off and picked up by their parents or guardians. This afternoon, one girl got dropped off and she was no stranger. She was the granddaughter of someone I have known for all 19 years that I worked at my former job. Her grandmother was a person who worked in the church and the school. I worked especially close with her last year. I always liked her. Got along very well with her. And I think she liked me. She always thanked me for even the littlest of things.
Despite that, she was someone I cut off when I left. When I deleted my email address and blocked phone numbers, hers was included. I deleted the one email address that she used to communicate with me. Not just her, but the rest of the parish staff. It had nothing to do with her in particular. More so because while she was close to me, she was even closer to my former boss. I wanted all connections severed.
When she saw me today, she was overjoyed to say the least. She hugged me so tightly and rocked me from side to side as she did. She heaped praises on me for how good I looked and how much weight I had lost. She didn’t stay long, she was only there to drop off her granddaughter. The drop-off line had to keep moving.
Later this afternoon, it was her daughter that drove through and picked up the young girl. I knew her daughter. With her two kids being students at my old school, I knew them well. I interacted with her frequently and she was always supportive of my decisions, even when it came to disciplining her oldest girl. Not all parents were as appreciative.
When she drove through to pick up her youngest, she told me just how excited her mom was to see me. She told me that she even called her at work just to tell her she had seen me. Apparently her mom never calls her at work. She went on about all the things her mom told her about how good I looked and my weight loss and just how happy she was to see me. She relayed the story of how much her mom missed me when the last school year started and I wasn’t there. As she told me what her mom said, she began to get choked up. Actual tears making it hard for her to speak.
I won’t pretend it didn’t touch me having this little reunion with someone I worked with for so long. I could tell how much time had passed because if this had happened sometime not long after I quit, I would have hated the thought that people knew where I was and what I was doing now. They could go back and tell my old boss what they knew and I absolutely did not want her knowing anything about me. Absolutely nothing. But now? Sure! Let them go back and tell her where I work. She probably knows anyway. This lady was not the first person from my old life that I have run into where I work now. Let them share with her how good I look and how much weight I’ve lost. Hopefully she’ll get the message that I’m much better off being away from her and that place.
With all of that said, my tagline came to mind after the granddaughter had been picked up and this interaction with my past was over. And it is simply this: Not going back.
That mini-reunion made me feel good. Warmed my heart. But I’m not going back. I will never go back. Not even for a visit. That part of my life is over. I’m done.
There is so much different about me now, much more than smaller clothes. What is seen on the outside is only a small part of the bigger change on the inside. This new version of me will absolutely not let me go back to a place that kept me from being the real me for so long. It didn’t even let me know what the real me was actually like.
So, as long as I have an arm full of electric blue flowers symbolizing my freedom from there, I will not go back.
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