I’m pleased with myself that my answer to this question today is the same as it was a year ago:
Absolutely not! The experiences I have had in my childhood, my teen years, and my 20s are not anything that makes me feel like I want to go back and relive any of it. There was a lull in my 30s where everything was o.k. But honestly, now that I have reached middle-aged status (hence the name of my blog), I am damn glad to be here. I have survived all that made those ages of my life miserable and I’m just now getting used to this new stage. This stage doesn’t come fully loaded with crippling anxiety, fear of criticism, lack of free time… it does however come with lots of anger and a general attitude of “don’t mess with me”, an attitude that I have never had before but am enjoying. Bottom line, I would never go back.
But today I also thought…
…this has been the best year of my life. With today being November 1st, it seems that it’s now Christmas season? Nothing new here actually. Thanksgiving seems to be always bypassed. But when I went to the store this morning and saw that they were transitioning out their Halloween decorations and had begun to put up the Christmas stuff, I realized just how fast this year has gone by. As an adult, I know that the older you get the faster time goes by, but this year seems to be faster than any other year that I have previously said went by fast. And it’s probably because I’m having such a damn good time this year!
It’s certainly been a challenge at times. I’ve been putting in the work with therapy and doing all the healing I possibly can do, but at the same time, I’m living free. It’s as simple as that. If you’ve read any of my posts this year you know I am slowly, or quite quickly actually, turning into the person I always wanted to be but was too mentally broken to actually be. I think it’s noticable too.
The other day on Threads I posted about the little sister energy I have that makes me determined to have more followers on Threads than my conspiracy theory believing, anti-everything sister has on TikTok. Someone commented that they follow me because they like my moxie. I had to Google the meaning of that word but when I did, I had an immediate feeling of pride go through me.
This is what it said: To “have moxie” means to possess courage, determination, and nerve, along with a healthy dose of energy, skill, and resilience. It signifies a person with a fighting spirit who isn’t afraid to overcome challenges, persevere through setbacks, and show a strong sense of self-confidence and know-how.
You know what? I agree. No other time in my life could this word describe me. But it does now. And I’m here for it.
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