Who needs a big dream?

What’s your biggest dream?

I can’t answer this question. Maybe by the end of this post after I do some rambling, I’ll figure something out. But honestly, I don’t know what my biggest dream is. Several months ago I would have said my dream was to be a published writer who gets paid. That’s not it anymore. I haven’t given up on my book. Though I have paused transcribing my journals until after this writing class is over. I’m currently waiting on feedback for my 3rd assignment. I also stopped posting on social media which I had been doing enthusiastically in support of the idea that it would leverage myself as a writer at some point. I don’t really care about my online presence anymore. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually one of the signs of healing that my therapist recently shared with me. Retreating from people and making myself more private…being extremely cautious about who I let into my inner circle. There’s nothing private about social media.

I can’t even think about the future and what that might look like, or what I dream it to be. I suppose I could say my biggest dream is for life to continue the way it is now. To keep going to my still-not-at-all-stressful job (even though my supervisor is perpetually stressed—that’s from being in her position). To keep living my daily routine at home with Josh. To keep making fun knit and crochet projects. To keep getting tattoos. Again, just living my life. Oh! And running errands around town with the car in my music cranked way up. I bought a car yesterday and the sales person listed the sound system as one of the features when he was showing it to us. I am just waiting for the moment today when I need to go somewhere so I can test it out.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, here’s my new car, Melanie—named after Sporty Spice, because this car is sporty.

Ain’t she a beaut! Let me not go off the rails here talking about how this is an off road one so Josh can drive on the beach and tow a small boat. And it has enough space for me to go wild at Ikea, and it has all kinds of bells and whistles up front. No knobs or buttons at all! Just one giant screen on the dash!

But I digress. I guess I’m just not dreaming big right now. I’m living a dream I probably had many years ago. Being married to Josh, having a great job with no work to do at home, and being able to afford to do fun things. Life is just good right now. So, until my writing class is over and I go back to dreaming big about being the next Stephen King (or whoever the non-fiction equivalent is), I’m happy living in the moment.