Daily Prompt Response—Alternate Universe

In an alternate universe, I don’t have a different life. My life right now is great. I have a sweet, little (paid off) house with a fenced in backyard that I love. My husband is the best there is, and I just got hired for a new job that I was very much hoping I would get after leaving a job that I was very much hoping I could quit. But in an alternate universe, it’s me that is different. Life experience, to include being bullied all through high school and growing up with a father who got angry at me frequently for things that did not deserve such wrath—this life experience has turned me into someone who is afraid to speak her mind. What if people disagree with me or get mad about something I say? That would feel horrible and it would make me a terrible person! Absolutely not true, but that’s the reality of how I would feel. It is this fear of speaking my mind and sticking to my decisions that got me into grad school and being a principal of a school for a year. I wasn’t strong enough to say no when I was asked.

In an alternate universe, I am the person who will say no and mean it. I am the person who will give her opinion without fear of someone disagreeing. Of course, I’ll still be polite and respectful about it. That part of me won’t change.

In an alternate universe, I’m also more courageous. I was brave enough to go skydiving once (will never do it again thank you very much), but I am not brave enough to compliment the woman at Walmart with the great hair or the amazing tattoos. I do love it when I am complimented by a random stranger though. I choke up when I see an opportunity to do the same. As a teacher and principal, I had to be outgoing. And I am outgoing…when I really get to know someone and feel comfortable. But given a choice in a new situation around new people, I am quite introverted. Just ask the members of the running club in my city who really don’t know me very well despite me going to lots of their meet ups. No surprise that I let my membership expire.

I suppose this courage to use my voice will come one day when I’m more confident in my self and have an attitude that has evolved from one of intense people pleasing fear. An alternate universe would be great for making that happen more quickly, but in the meantime, I’ll keep working on it in this universe.