To ask me what experiences have helped me grow the most, today, is a very timely question. Yesterday was Self-Injury Awareness Day. March is Self-Harm Awareness Month. Self-injury was very much a part of my story when I was in college. My recovery from it is what has contributed most to the person I am today.
I can’t over-emphasize the importance of understanding why people harm themselves intentionally. At the same time, it’s just plain hard to understand. When I was doing it, my mother and my husband (boyfriend at the time) were incredibly frustrated with me. They didn’t know why I was doing it and I couldn’t accurately explain it either. I will say, there was a book that I read that really resonated with me and helped me to understand my behavior. After my mom read it, she understood a lot better too. The book is Cutting by Steven Levenkron.
However, at the time, I did something that I had a feeling would help later on. One night that was particularly difficult for me emotionally, I wrote in my journal exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I had written in a journal for years, but this time, I wrote as I cut myself. I felt it was important for people to see exactly what I was thinking as I was doing it so that they could understand. Or even just know my rationale for needing to do it.
Initially, I was going to include that entry here. Since I have been sharing journal entries lately, I figured it might be good to share it. But I’ve decided not to. It is a very hard read. It’s raw and absolutely could be triggering for some people. Instead, I’ll say this, if you know someone who has experience with self-harm, past or present, please encourage them to get help, but also, just love them and be there for them. Mental illness can be very lonely. But it doesn’t have to be.
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