How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
This is one of those stories where I didn’t see the ripple effects one seeming failure would have until much, much later. I honestly think a huge part of the trajectory of my life came from this.
When I was in high school, I applied for the Teaching Fellows Scholarship. If I got it, it would be a full 4-year ride for college to get my teaching degree. It had all these awesome perks with it too. Like a trip to Europe one summer. A free laptop during your freshman year. All the things. The catch though, was that after getting your degree, you had to repay the scholarship by teaching for four years in a public school of North Carolina. You had seven years to get the four done. I didn’t get the scholarship.
I was really pretty upset by that. But now I’m damn glad that I didn’t. When I was starting my 3rd year of college, I had to take a semester off because my mental health was beyond my and my psychiatrist’s ability to heal without a serious intervention. I received four ECT treatments that semester. That put me off my graduation plan by a whole semester. I ended up graduating in December instead of May when I finished. As it happens, the Catholic school that I ended up working at for 19 years called me back for an interview before any of the public schools I had applied to.
If I had gotten the Teaching Fellows Scholarship, I wouldn’t have been able to take the Catholic school job. I probably wouldn’t have even applied. But because I was under no obligation to teach in a public school, I taught in a Catholic one. Over the years I saw that as God’s plan. I still think it was His plan. Working at that school brought me closer in my Catholic faith and up until the very end of my career, I felt that I was meant to be there. I was meant to share my faith with my students, because at a Catholic school, I could.
Of course, I have such negativity now when I think about the experiences I had that ultimately made me decide to leave. But at the same time, I’m still grateful for having worked there. That hateful “mentor” I worked for is the reason I have a master’s degree, even though I never wanted it in the first place. I think having that extra degree made me stand out when I was going through the hiring process at my new job. Did I ever mention that 28 people applied for my job? And somehow, I was the one chosen.
It’s hard to think what my life would be like now if I had become a public school teacher. They are such different worlds. But, kids are kids and I am proud of how many kids I may have touched and connected with over the years. I know a few of them still think of me.
Would I have still pursued my Catholic faith if I didn’t take a job in a Catholic school? I was baptized Catholic as a baby. I have always been Catholic. But I came fully into the church with all of my sacraments of initiation when I started teaching there.
A lot of ‘what ifs’ to ponder. And they all trace back to the fact that I failed at getting that scholarship 25 years ago. Funny how life is like that sometimes.
Leave a Reply