Sacrificial Time

What sacrifices have you made in life?

When I first saw this question, I immediately thought that I haven’t really made any sacrifices. Then I thought, what does the word “sacrifice” even mean? The almighty Google said that a sacrifice is “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy”. Well, when you put it that way, I think everybody makes sacrifices every day. I know I do. And my husband does. Simply by the fact that we go to work every day. I’m sure he would agree that we would much rather stay at home every day. That’s what’s valuable to me, my time at home. But I go to work because my job gives me health insurance that is so good that I literally pay nothing for my bi-weekly therapy sessions. Every two weeks when I see my therapist, my copay is zero dollars. I also go to work so I can have money for things that are important to me. Right now, for example, my job keeps me moving along with the bad-ass tattoo I’m in the middle of getting.

I thought deeper about this too and I thought of two huge sacrifices I have made in my life. The first was when I sacrificed a semester of college. To be fair, I really didn’t have a choice. My depression and self-injury had gotten so bad that my psychiatrist told me I had to take a semester off of school to have ECT treatments (i.e. “shock therapy”). I know I’ve written about this before, but it truly was a turning point in my life. And a sacrifice it was. While I absolutely loathed the idea of taking that time off of school…I had to finish my degree according to my pre-planned timeline. Taking a semester off would fuck it all up. But my psychiatrist didn’t give me a choice. I could do it willingly, or he could use his power as my doctor to do whatever it is doctors can do to make patients do what is best for them.

That sacrifice was ultimately the one that saved my life. I can’t overemphasize how much those treatments changed my life and made everything else I have done simply possible. A good quality of life was more important than finishing my degree according to my timeline.

Of course, I did finish my degree, which led me to becoming a teacher. Which is also the other sacrifice I made. Actually, quite a large number of sacrifices over the 18 years I was a teacher. That sacrifice was again, time. I look back at Facebook posts from all those years of being a teacher and I complained quite a bit about grading papers and writing lesson plans and other things, while I was at home in the evenings or on the weekends. Every single day there was school work to do at home. Honestly that’s no exaggeration. When I see those posts, I keep asking myself, why? Why did I put up with that absolute sacrifice of my free time to do that for as many years as I did? The definition of sacrifice says “for something more important or worthy”. During the time I was a teacher, I felt that all that extra work was just something I had to do because it was what teachers do and I was absolutely dedicated to being a teacher. I felt that was my calling, my vocation, my purpose in life. Until it wasn’t.

I don’t regret that time. I don’t see it as a waste. I certainly wouldn’t do it now, but then? It’s what I felt was most important. People change. Priorities change. What we are willing to sacrifice changes. Now, I will sacrifice my time by going to work. But not for one minute more than I have to. When it’s 5:00 and I walk out of my office and I’m in my car, that’s it, I’m done for the day. I will not do anything work related after that. Not that my job requires me to, or really makes it possible even if I wanted to. I’ve even been consciously trying to not talk about work as much with my husband. He doesn’t like to talk about his job, and while I don’t dislike my job necessarily like he does, I am starting to not want to talk about it either. My time at home means time at home. If I’m not doing work stuff, I don’t want to even think about work by talking about it. There’s no point to it.

I also don’t think sacrifices are necessarily a bad thing. If you’re willing to make them, I don’t think it can be anything but good. Mothers and fathers make sacrifices all the time for their kids. I’m sure they don’t see that as bad. Of course, I could get really off on a tangent and talk about all the different types of sacrifices that exist. I mean, sacrificing a virgin by throwing her in a volcano to appease the fire god can’t be good. Also, I made that up so if there is a culture out there where that’s a thing that happens, I mean no offense. Actually, could you maybe just consider sacrificing something that’s not human? Oh gosh! I just thought of the Bible and the whole Abraham and Isaac thing and how that was about to turn out really badly for Isaac, so let me wrap this up because I feel the tangent coming on fast.

Final thought: We all make sacrifices throughout our lives depending on what our priorities are at the time. If we’re willing to make them, they can’t be bad…pretty much as long as you’re not breaking any laws and causing harm to people.