The Finale

So here’s the thing…exactly one year ago I wore this shirt on my last day of work at my old job.

My official last day was June 30th, the end of my contract, but the 27th was a Thursday and the last scheduled day according to our summer office hours schedule. I wore this shirt because I was saying “when” to that career. I had had enough. I see excitement in my year-ago smile. Giddiness. A good kind of anxiety about the future. I had no clue what I was going to do next, but I was damn happy to find out whatever it was going to be. The possibilities were endless. I could do anything! There was relief. One that felt better than I ever could imagine it would. I was leaving an awful environment because I was strong enough and brave enough to walk out. I did what I said I was going to do.

In my smile from today, I see contentment. Peace. There’s a more relaxed energy. I have spent the past year going full speed into the future. Hyped up on the energy of new found freedom. Everything was a new experience and I was excited about all of it. Now, I’ve settled into my new life. I’ve slowed down. I’m still looking toward the future, but I have different ideas of what it will look like. Just the fact that I have an idea of a goal where I didn’t have one last year, is a major difference. I’m leaning into my writing and wanting to focus on it. And honestly, even if that doesn’t amount to anything, I can do other things that come to mind.

So while it’s not the 30th, my official one year anniversary of leaving, I have one last teachable moment to share. And it’s not just one specific moment, it’s really all of the moments I was a teacher. A conglomeration of all the advice I ever gave to parents and the lessons I shared with my students. A couple weeks ago when I saw the grandmother of two girls who were at my old school, she told me what a difference there was in her youngest granddaughter because of the advice I gave to her. The girl had serious academic struggles and based on my experience, I gave her grandmother advice on where to go to get her some extra help. She followed my advice and apparently, now the girl is excelling and getting much better grades.

Those proverbial seeds that I have planted in my students over the 19 years I was an educator are sprouting. I may never know to what extent they did or did not bloom in each of my students, but just knowing that what I planted was the very best I had is what allows me to close the book on that part of my life and feel good about what I did with my time. It wasn’t a waste. I don’t regret spending as much time invested in it as I did. It’s like the title of my favorite Oasis song says, “don’t look back in anger”. I’m not looking back on it clouded by my feelings about how it ended. I see all those years and what I did with them the way I went into them. With hope that I would make a difference in the lives of my students. I think I did. Because ultimately, when I look back at those 19 years, my heart is content knowing that what I did, simply mattered.