Describe your life in an alternate universe.
This prompt came up exactly one year ago. I decided to copy and paste my exact post from a year ago. It’s interesting to me because last year, who I would be in an alternate universe is who I am now.
This was my original response:
In an alternate universe, I don’t have a different life. My life right now is great. I have a sweet, little (paid off) house with a fenced in backyard that I love. My husband is the best there is, and I just got hired for a new job that I was very much hoping I would get after leaving a job that I was very much hoping I could quit. But in an alternate universe, it’s me that is different. Life experience, to include being bullied all through high school and growing up with a father who got angry at me frequently for things that did not deserve such wrath—this life experience has turned me into someone who is afraid to speak her mind. What if people disagree with me or get mad about something I say? That would feel horrible and it would make me a terrible person! Absolutely not true, but that’s the reality of how I would feel. It is this fear of speaking my mind and sticking to my decisions that got me into grad school and being a principal of a school for a year. I wasn’t strong enough to say no when I was asked.
In an alternate universe, I am the person who will say no and mean it. I am the person who will give her opinion without fear of someone disagreeing. Of course, I’ll still be polite and respectful about it. That part of me won’t change.
In an alternate universe, I’m also more courageous. I was brave enough to go skydiving once (will never do it again thank you very much), but I am not brave enough to compliment the woman at Walmart with the great hair or the amazing tattoos. I do love it when I am complimented by a random stranger though. I choke up when I see an opportunity to do the same. As a teacher and principal, I had to be outgoing. And I am outgoing…when I really get to know someone and feel comfortable. But given a choice in a new situation around new people, I am quite introverted. Just ask the members of the running club in my city who really don’t know me very well despite me going to lots of their meet ups. No surprise that I let my membership expire.
I suppose this courage to use my voice will come one day when I’m more confident in my self and have an attitude that has evolved from one of intense people pleasing fear. An alternate universe would be great for making that happen more quickly, but in the meantime, I’ll keep working on it in this universe.
“…this courage…will come one day when I’m more confident in my self…” I am absolutely more confident in myself a year after this was written. There’s not even a particular reason that I can pinpoint why I gained confidence. I generally look the same as I did a year ago. I’ve probably lost a little more weight, but not much else is different about my appearance. Nothing big anyway. I wear earrings now. I have funky colored nail polish at all times, and I have more ink. I think my confidence simply comes from being completely at peace with my life. I’ve done a lot of healing in a year. Still don’t think I’m completely done, but the improvement in my overall mental health (and physical health) has definitely made me feel good enough to think of myself a little more highly.
“…have an attitude that has evolved from one of intense people pleasing fear.” Except for my husband, I don’t feel a need to go out of my way, or out of my comfort zone to make other people happy. If they don’t like what I have to say, that’s their problem. Like I said in my original post, I’m still polite and respectful, but I’m saying a lot more of what’s on my mind. There was a meeting at work this week that was shocking to me because of the honest things I said that were obviously not appreciated by everybody at the meeting. After the meeting, I did not give a second thought to what I said. I didn’t worry about what those people would think about me because of what I said. And even if they really didn’t like what I said, as I suspect a few of them didn’t, I don’t care. Truly.
Most importantly though, is this part: “…I am not brave enough to compliment the woman at Walmart with the great hair or the amazing tattoos…” I am now. To be fair, I don’t always give out a compliment when I want to. Sometimes I still am a little shy about it. But not as much as I used to be. What’s even cooler is that I’m the one who has been getting the compliments on my tattoos. That’s nice, but it’s more important to me that I’m sharing the love too. And I am.
Bottom line, I’m living in my dreamed of alternate universe. I don’t know what an alternate universe would look like for me now, but for now I’m pretty content and happy with this one.
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