Forgiveness

The prompt today was about grudges. My response was simple…I have grudges and for now, I don’t mind having them. One of the grudges I’m holding onto involves the people who bullied me in high school. I’m grateful that I am old enough to not have had social media when I was going through school. What I endured would probably have been much worse. However, as Facebook became more and more the norm, I slowly began to add to my friends list. I chose carefully though. If someone from high school popped up as a suggestion or if I got a request, I searched my memory for how they treated me back then. If they were a bully, the amount of time since high school and the fact that we’re adults now didn’t matter. I refused to be “friends” with them.

But then there was Leah. That’s not her real name of course. Leah was the first one to see me as a target. She was actually the worst out of all of them because she used words and physical intimidation, whereas everyone else just liked to say shitty things to me.

She and I both lived in the same gated community. Back then, the school bus wouldn’t drive to our individual streets or houses. It pulled in just past the guard shack to pick us up and drop us off. We then had to walk home. Even with cutting through yards and paths through the woods, it was about a mile from the bus stop to get home. She and I walked the same path.

There were many times that she and her little brother would walk behind me and throw rocks at my head. I don’t remember what they would say, but I remember the rocks. I also remember that at one point, Leah grabbed my necklace–with a decorative piece of glass hanging from it–and twisted it until it was almost choking me. She kept pushing me backwards as she twisted it. If I remember correctly, that was when we were in middle school.

I was never as relieved as I was the day I found out she was moving. I would no longer have to worry about her and what she was going to do to me that day. Fast forward to the 11th grade. Imagine my dismay when I realized she had moved back. She was different this time though. She approached me in the hall one day and asked if I still lived in the neighborhood. I remember chatting with her for a few minutes very nonchalantly. During the course of that conversation, she apologized for the bullying. And that was the end of the interaction. I didn’t see her much after that and she was never a bully again.

I don’t remember if I friend requested her or vice versa. But I remember that we ended up friends on Facebook because of that interaction years after she was so horrible to me.

As happens with social media, we just sort of co-existed but never really interacted. That is, until 2018. At that point in my life, I was teaching middle school at my old Catholic school. Things were going well for me. It wasn’t until after covid that my life began to slowly morph into what it is now. However, for Leah, her marriage was unravelling. She would often post details of the trouble she was having with her husband. At that time, it was December and eventually, a point came when her husband moved out and left her alone with their two kids and no financial means to provide them with any kind of Christmas. She was distraught by that. Every kid deserves Christmas presents and every mother wants to be able to provide them.

Let me preface this next part by saying that I’m not bragging. You’re supposed to do good deeds anonymously or at least not boast about them. And I’m not boasting, truly. I’m sharing it because it was a very powerful and deeply meaningful moment that I think someone can learn from. At least that’s what I thought when I shared the gist of it with my students. I wanted them to see the power of kindess and forgiveness.

So she had shared about not being able to afford Christmas presents for her two daughters. That compelled me to private message her and ask for her paypal info or other similar cash app that she might have. When she shared her info with me, I sent her money to buy presents for her girls. I don’t remember how much I sent, but it was enough for her to buy a lot of things for them. She sent me picture after picture of what she was able to buy for them. Those pictures included ones from Christmas Day and the joy of her babies opening their presents.

She and I chatted quite a bit around that time. Over Messenger we had quite the full circle kind of conversation. It was actually surreal in a way. I just pulled it back up and this is a snippet of what she said:

“My girls are 10 & 7 and I guess about two weeks ago now, I had picked them up from school and they both were stressed and just had bad days. And bullying was a big issue that day…I told the girls how bullying is not okay and that people bully most times because they’re being treated badly at home and the usual stuff you say about bullying. But I told them how I was a bully to you and how that was not okay even though I was sad. And that I came home from moving away and talked to you and said I was sorry…and then you just messaged me and I just feel so humbled by your gift. “

She went on to say that she was going to use this part of our story to teach her girls about the power of forgiveness. And honestly, I think that’s why I’m sharing it now too. Forgiveness is powerful! And even though I’m not at the stage of my healing where I’m ready to forgive those who I have a grudge against, the story of how Leah and I reunited will always remind me of what good can come from forgiveness.

Leah hasn’t posted on Facebook in quite a while. The last I saw, she had a new job, a new love, and a great life. She was happy. And that’s all that matters to me. I don’t mind that I lost touch with her again. My heart is happy knowing that I was able to help someone who really needed it. And the fact that it was someone who initially made my life miserable is just really crazy to think about. And that’s the long version of why I don’t count my worst bully on my list of people who I hold a grudge against. Forgiveness took her off that list. What can forgiveness do for you?