Living Life

My husband and I went to the grocery store last night. We needed just a few things. The bagger at the checkout was a high school kid. He was very chatty as he worked. He asked us if we had kids. I said no, and honestly, his response to that was a hell of a lot better than most adults. He said, “y’all just out here living life then, huh?” And he smiled when he said it. I smiled back and told him we were. I also told him that’s why we could get really good seats at concerts. We went back and forth for a few minutes about concerts and how Katy Perry was the last one I saw. I don’t think he was impressed by that as I was, but whatever, I don’t think he was Katy Perry’s target demographic.

Contrast that with the time I was asked the same question by one of my colleagues. I had just started working at my not-so-new-anymore job. She asked if I had kids and when I said no, she got a really sad look on her face and then said “Don’t you want kids?” My actual answer was a long pause because I was contemplating telling her the truth, but I knew the truth would come out in a snarky way that I’m sure would make her feel bad. I wanted to say, “Why yes Susan, I do want kids. That’s why my miscarriage was so devastating.” I honestly don’t remember what my actual answer was. I think I did say that I had been pregnant once but that it “didn’t work out”. A polite answer for a rude question. Though I don’t think she meant to be rude. I don’t get questions like that a lot. Fortunately, most people have learned the unwritten rule that asking women about children is really not a good idea. You just don’t know what their experience has been like and it can be triggering to ask them questions like that.

The kid at the store yesterday obviously didn’t know the rule. And really, his question was fine. He didn’t ask why we didn’t have kids. His comment reflected his joyful personality. Or at least, joyful in that moment given that it was a Friday night and he had been talking excitedly about a basketball game just prior to us walking up.

I really liked his response though. My husband and I really are just living our lives without kids. We’re not ruling children out completely, but it was nice to be validated in that one moment for how our lives are.