The tag line of my blog used to say something like “making sense of the world”. I changed it recently, but I am still trying to make sense of things. I think very deeply about what I see and experience. Which is why I feel compelled to share something that I witnessed at the nail salon on Thursday.
Let me preface this by saying that I am a white woman. I am not oblivious to the fact that there is a certain privilege that goes along with my race. I don’t say that to brag. It’s more of an acknowledgment that I am aware of this. It’s important for my story. I learned about this privilege from a couple of things. First, I went to an HBCU to get my masters degree. (HBCU=Historically Black College and University). I’m not putting that out there to mean that I know anything about what it means to be a black person simply because I went to a school like that. However, as the only white person in my grad school cohort, I learned quite a bit from my peers. They were very honest with me and the rest of the class when racial issues were discussed. One of our classes was specifically titled “Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion”. A lot of open and frank dialogue took place in that class.
At the same time, I was also participating in training sessions with other principals in the diocese that were focused on equity. I learned about microaggressions and a whole host of other topics related to how society views and treats people who are not white.
Having said all of that, when I was at the nail salon, something happened that bothered me. As I was getting my nails done, my back was to another counter where a young lady was also getting her nails done. I couldn’t see her, but I knew she had her two children there with her. One was an infant that one of the nail techs carried around when he became fussy, and the other was a younger child maybe around 4 or 5 years old. A girlfriend of hers was also there.
Not long into her nail session, a man came in to talk to her. From what I gather, he was a friend and he had left his ipad in her car. He came to get it. The young woman was upset with him because apparently when he got his ipad, he also searched through everything in her car, including her phone. He got upset with her that she was upset with him, saying things like, “So what, you’re mad at me now?” She asked him to leave. There was no yelling, but he did leave. Her friend went out and came back in not long after that and said she saw him bending over at her car and when he left, she could hear air rushing out of one of her tires. She said he slashed it.
After that, I heard the woman get on the phone with the police explaining who he was and what happened. This woman was 24 years old and this man was in his 40s. The man was black. She said that to the dispatcher on the phone. He wanted to hook up with her but she only wanted to be his friend. By now it was dark outside and she told the person on the phone that she was afraid he was going to be hanging around in the parking lot for her after her nails were done. She gave the person on the phone two very specific addresses for where he lives and where else he might be. She did the right thing. She was obviously afraid of this guy and it was also obvious from what her friend said, that he had slashed one of her tires.
Fast forward to the police getting there. This is what burns me up about what happened. This young woman was in the middle of getting her nails done, she couldn’t get up and go walk out to talk to the police. Her friend went out there to talk to them. She then came back in and told her friend what the cops said. They came in after her friend. I turned around and looked because again, my back was to the woman, but when the cops came in, I turned around. There were two young white male police officers. I saw that this woman and her friend were both black.
The cop said to her that they weren’t going to file a police report. He said her tire was not slashed, it was flat because it was old and needed to be replaced. When asked, he said they did not have the tools in their car to jack up her car so that she could put on the spare tire and get home. Then they left. That was literally all they said to her. They didn’t ask her a single question. They didn’t ask her anything about the man. They didn’t ask her if she felt safe. They didn’t ask her if she had a way to get home. They acted like they had better things to do and they couldn’t be bothered to help a woman who was obviously frightened enough by a man to call the police.
I was absolutely appalled. One of the salon employees, the one who had been walking around with her son talked to the woman. She called around and found a friend of hers who had tools for changing a tire and so they were going to come change it for her. If that hadn’t happened, I was going to offer to call roadside assistance for her. I have it on my cell phone plan. It follows my phone, so it could be any car that needs assistance. I’ve used it before to help random people who have locked their keys in their car. It’s pretty handy. But she was taken care of, so when my nails were done, I paid and left. When I walked by her, I offered a reassuring smile. And honestly, she was a lot calmer than I would have been if I had been completely brushed off by the police when I needed help. She looked defeated. Like this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to her.
The question I wondered later, as I told my husband about this, would the cops have been as dismissive with me if I had called them for help in the same situation? Would my white privilege have gotten them to call a fellow cop with a jack in his car to come change my tire? Would he have asked me questions? Would he have searched around the parking lot for the guy? Or would he have offered to wait for my nails to be done so he could walk me to my car? Would he have acknowledged that my tire was indeed slashed and filed a report? There are so many things that I feel should have been done differently on the cop’s part. Of course, I am not a police officer and I don’t know anything about what is involved with being one. But I can’t possibly see a legit reason that he didn’t do more than he did. He should have done more. I don’t think what he did could even be called the bare minimum. He basically did nothing. I’m almost certain it’s because she was black. Of course, I can’t prove that. And that’s the thing about racism. It’s not always blatant. And you can’t always prove that it even is racism. And goddamn it that sucks!
Honestly, I have nothing that I can add here. Nothing intelligent or insightful to say about the issue that is even more rampant in our society now than ever before. Also, it’s not even my place to say anything, because the fact is, what I described here, did not happen to me. And likely, it won’t ever happen to me. Because I’m white. And because I can’t speak on the black experience, I will simply say I’m sorry. And again, goddamn it this sucks.
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