Y’all, it’s been a day. It’s been a week actually. Literally a week. Last Thursday work drama escalated. This week, work drama continued. Through it all, I was a bad ass. You should have seen the email I sent yesterday and who I cc’d on it. I dropped the mic and left for the day after I sent it. However, through all of that too, has been my nervous system saying, “new attitude, who dis?” It does not recognize the person standing up for herself and challenging authority. And because of that, it doesn’t know what feelings are appropriate to give me. So instead of trying something new, it’s giving me the good ole’ anxiety. The really good kind too. The kind that is so intense it makes my chest hurt. Like it did February of 2024 when I thought I was getting sick but it was just my blood pressure and diabetes getting out of control from stress and anxiety. The body does, after all, keep the score. And it’s been doing this every day since last Thursday.
Today, I went to my psychiatrist to get new anxiety meds. Whew! They’re good too. I also saw my therapist on my lunch break who assured me that I am correct, my body doesn’t know how to react to these boundaries I am enforcing for myself. But it will. It needs time and repeated practice being the bad ass. It’ll figure out this is the new normal soon enough.
With that said, I didn’t have time today to think of a different answer to something I have found. Although really, I did sort of “find” a new attitude, so there’s that. So for now, enjoy my post about Jim Carrey from this day last year.
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