Can You Hear Me Now?

Do you trust your instincts?

Instincts are an interesting thing. I had to google what it means to trust your instincts. The robot who spits out Google’s AI answer gave me: “Trust your instinct” means to follow a “gut feeling” or a sense of intuition, even without logical proof. 

My response to that is, I don’t think I have instincts. I really don’t. I can’t honestly say there has ever been a time when I have just felt something and didn’t have proof for what I was feeling. Initially I thought perhaps I’ve had lots of feelings that something is wrong, but there has always been proof. Like when I quit my job. My feeling that something was wrong had plenty of proof. Anybody who knows what happened could easily see that the proof of what was wrong was clearly evident in how my “mentor” treated me. That wasn’t intuition. It was just wrong.

I don’t know. I’m learning a lot about myself now as I have been going through therapy and healing from past trauma. So much of that anxiety and other depressed feelings seemed to drown out any other ‘gut feeling’ I may have had. My internal suffering was too big for me to notice anything else. Maybe now that my soul is lighter and I’m no longer drowning in the symptoms that a lifetime of trauma caused, I’ll be able to listen and actually hear other things my body is trying to tell me. I wonder what it’ll say.