It’s Saturday morning. Well, Saturday mid-morning. It’s almost 11:00 and I have only been up and out of bed for about 20 minutes. The weekend morning routine for my husband and I is very similar to our evening routine. As our days end on the couch, so do our mornings begin.
But this morning, I noticed something about how I feel. I feel calm. Rested. Peaceful. And I am ridiculously grateful for that.
This week was quite intense at work. My emotions since last Wednesday have been quite intense as well. My obgyn doctor and my psychiatrist both agree that I was experiencing PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). It’s over now and there’s medication now to hopefully ensure it doesn’t happen again next month. Even though I felt better for the second half of the week, yesterday was quite anxiety-inducing, in a mixed bag kind of way.
Work is the typical dumpster fire. And it seems to get worse every day. However, a former co-worker of mine texted me about a job opening where she works now. I applied for it Thursday night, and on Friday morning, they had contacted me for an interview. I was very surprised and also, very hopeful. That was a super fast turn-around so maybe that means they’re really interested in me and I have a good chance of being hired? So that gave me the good, Christmas Eve kind of happy anxiety. Later in the day I got an impatient kind of anxiety where things got thrown at me that I so badly don’t want to be there for. But my interview is not until the 30th of January so I have to suck it up and smile and nod for a little longer.
When I got home last night, I could tell that my anxiousness was still there. Anxious for the future, anxious trying to decide what will be the most satisfying thing to do on my last day, all the things. I was afraid it would be one of those weekends tainted by frequent anxiety. Granted, I do have my “as needed” anxiety medication, but it makes me pretty lethargic.
After a long, deep sleep last night though, all of that anxiety is gone. This morning is peaceful. My nervous system has completely reset itself. It’s calm. I’m ready to have a good 3-day weekend. We’ll be celebrating my husband’s birthday tomorrow. (His actual birthday is Tuesday). We will probably keep working on our spare bedroom transformation. At some point, I’ll work on a yarn project, or read a book. My normal weekend routine. And I’ll do it without anxiety because sleep pulled its ultimate power move. It gave me the rest that I needed to enjoy my weekend.
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