Last year when I answered this question, I didn’t have an answer. I reflected on the fact that I had already done the thing that I was most scared to do, which was quit my job of 19 years. And to do it, all it took was a phone call from my “mentor” where she called me ungrateful.
A year later and the answer I have is very shallow. There’s nothing meaningful about life within it. It’s not something like a fear of living alone, or a fear of…I don’t even know. My fear now is a testament to my new hobby of getting tattooed. Having said that, I am now most scared to get my chest tattooed. And my kneecaps, but I don’t want those done. I would love to have more of my chest covered in beautiful art, but I still haven’t forgotten what it was like getting my goldfish reworked back in August.
You see the purple flower behind him? You see the top of the purple flower? That tippy top of the flower is on my collar bone and even though it’s a tiny little spot that touches it, it was THE worst tattoo pain ever. The whole piece was an exercise in pain management because it was hitting a weird nerve or something and making my right leg feel weak and twitchy.
I’ve seen some beautiful chest pieces on social media and I’d love to add to mine. But I’m scared! And truthfully, I don’t know what it would take to get me to do it. Maybe if it was done in very small sessions. I’ve sat for a 6 hour session, which I learned was the maximum amount my body would allow. But I can’t fathom having my chest worked on for 6 hours.
So for now, I’m going to stick to areas I’m familiar with. I have an appointment next Sunday to have a piece added to my calf. I’ve heard mixed reviews about the pain level for that area. I have a small piece on my thigh and my ankle. We’ll see how this goes. Ironically, the appointment is with the same artist who did my goldfish. I’ll have to remind her not to use words like “hammer” when talking about what she’s doing. She told me she just had to “hammer in the yellow” when she was working on my fish. The power of suggestion is legit!
I don’t know what it says about me that I can’t think of anything I’m scared to do other than getting a tattoo in a particular area. I’m not saying I’m fearless, but I definitely have less fear of big things than I used to. Of course, I’m still young. There’s plenty of life left to live. Perhaps there are things I haven’t yet thought of that will make me scared. I’m curious now what those things might be. I’ll let you know if I find out.
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