5Ws Wednesday
Yesterday I lived a recurring nightmare. The one where your boss calls and asks why you aren’t at work. And there you are, still in bed because you slept through your alarm. Well, that didn’t exactly happen yesterday, but it was similar. I was happily organizing my creative space. Resetting the Roku stick on the tv so I could watch the news while I worked. Then I got a text. From my therapist. She was asking if we still had an appointment. It was 6:03 and I had completely forgotten that our appointment was at 6:00. Luckily, I only had to switch out of my pajama pants and throw on jeans and real shoes. I only live about five minutes from her office so I got there in a panic without missing the appointment. I’m glad I decided to go and not take her up on her offer to just meet at our next regularly scheduled appointment.
I started seeing her in October of 2024 and because of that, we were due to review my treatment plan. Apparently we were actually long over due to review it. The process involved reviewing the goals that she had set for me back then and discussing new goals for the future.
She gave me a copy of the original plan, which I hadn’t seen since it was first established in 2024. I almost cried when I saw what the goals were. The long term goal stated: “Life is satisfying, emotions stable and controlled; social, occupational and family life are fulfilling. Resolve the core conflict that is the source of anxiety.” Big check mark on that one! That goal has definitely been attained.
But then there were three smaller, more specific goals. And these are the ones that got me a bit choked up. The goals said things like, “replace biased, negative, and self-defeating thoughts”, “addressing shame and self-disparagement resulting from the trauma”, and “replace biased, fearful, self-talk with positive, realistic, and empowering self-talk”.
I told my therapist that I don’t even recognize the person these goals apply to. It’s hard to believe that I was ever that person. She told me that it’s because I put in the hard work. But it didn’t feel like work. I told her it felt like I sort of just…evolved. I did actually work though. She reminded me of the work I did to use the techniques I learned for dealing with the things that trigger my anxiety and other CPTSD symptoms.
Going forward, my goals will be focused on maintaining my self-empowerment, and ultimately resolving the conflicted feelings I have about my parents.
Before we get to work on that new treatment plan, I’m going to ride the high of knowing how far out of the park I knocked my original goals. It truly is amazing to me the difference I see in only a year and a half.
I will never not be grateful for my therapist. Therapy works. If you or anyone you know is on the fence about starting it, just do it. Again, it works. I found my therapist on Psychology Today. She wasn’t the first one I started seeing either. I had someone else that I started with that I had found on the website. I wasn’t happy with the first one. I just didn’t vibe with her like I hoped. But I definitely found a good one with the second person I picked. No regrets. Who could you become if you found a good therapist? It’s worth finding out.
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