Screenshot Saturday
I captured this screenshot on June 26, 2021. Before my adult trauma started. Before my CPTSD diagnosis. I still had plenty of unhealed childhood trauma and I suspect that’s why I saved this. I recognized the effect that trauma had on me long before I sought the help of a therapist to heal it.
The person I am now is absolutely the embodiment of the pair of socks my sister-in-law gave me for Easter the year I was a principal. On the bottom of one foot, it said “Take no shit” and on the bottom of the the other sock, it said “Give no fucks”. That is how I handle life now. But it’s not because of my trauma. This screenshot is very true. It did not make me tough and untouchable. I am that now, but that’s the result of the healing I did from the trauma.
Before I began healing, I had no boundaries. I had no voice. I was scared to say “no”. I was terrified to say anything that was in disagreement with anybody else because I was afraid of them being mad at me. As it says above, I did cry easily and get overwhelmed over the small things. That was the result of my trauma.
It’s the work I put in to heal that has made me the tough person I am now. And I want more trauma survivors to understand that. However they feel, whoever they are because of their experiences and what they have been through, it’s valid. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s not a sign of something being wrong. It’s a by-product of the trauma and it’s ok to feel whatever way they feel. For some, maybe the trauma did make them tough. I know someone who has learned to put a wall up when they are triggered so they don’t have to feel the feelings. That’s valid too. How we feel and what we have to do to survive before we get to a place of healing is ok. There are no rules. As it says above, we’re survivors, not superheroes. And that’s ok.
I wish peace to all the survivors who may be reading this. It gets better. I promise.
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