Talk About it Tuesday
So apparently the mystery of why I have felt so off and not myself lately has been solved. Over the weekend, I had repeated episodes where I felt like crying for no reason. Where I didn’t feel like doing anything. I actually did cry a little when explaining this to Josh. I was frustrated that I didn’t know what was happening. If it was a mental health “thing” I knew how to handle it. Make an appointment with my psychiatrist to talk about medication. That is, after talking to my therapist after my appointment with her on Monday. But then I worried that it could be hormonal and a perimenopause thing. In that case, I’m out of luck because I don’t have a doctor who believes that I am actually in perimenopause.
I woke up yesterday morning and felt the same way I had over the weekend. I was not looking forward to the day. But then around 9:00, my supervisor sent an email to us with a list of tasks for us to complete. And in that instant, I felt 100% better. 100%. I had things at work to do. She has been slow about giving us stuff to work on. I should revel in how slow it’s been. It won’t always be like this, especially when we move into our new building next month. But after my entire working career being filled with busy days and super long to-do list, I was not adapting well to a slower pace. My brain knew what was up. My brain understood that this job was different. Better, but different than what I’m used to. My body, however, hadn’t caught up yet. And the difference between the two is what caused such negative emotions last week. This is what my therapist helped me understand during my appointment yesterday evening. I knew that being given work to do had “cured” me, but why that was the cure, is what she helped me understand.
I don’t necessarily like the fact that it took being assigned work to do at my job is what made me feel better, but, it is what it is. When the time comes for me to not work a typical 8-5 job, perhaps because I’m a full-time writer or I’m retired, I’ll have to create my own routine. I’m sure that will take some adjustment too. But in the meantime, I feel better and I am now fully embracing this work-from-home, but not too hard kind of job. That is, until I have to get used to leaving the house again to go to work next month. Which, I’m still looking forward to.
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