I was in a meeting today with other leaders in my department. It was led by our associate vice president. One of the people in attendance was discussing new solutions for a problem that she and the other person in her area had been experiencing. It has been a very busy couple of months for our division and after she finished her discussion, she made the following comment: “We’re all going to need shock therapy after this because we’ll all have PTSD.” I found this comment very interesting, almost amusing. She smiled when she said it, obviously kidding. But in my mind, I immediately thought of that old Mountain Dew slogan, “Been there, done that.” And it’s true. The turning point in my mental health journey came when I took a semester off of school and had four shock treatments. Of course, it’s actually not called shock therapy. The clinical term is Electroconvulsive Therapy or ECT for short. But when it comes down to it, it’s shock therapy. Let me pause here and refer you to a post that I wrote about the first treatment I had.
My co-worker’s comment today made me wonder…what would they think of me if they knew I actually have had shock therapy? And that my current diagnosis, well, one of them, is complex PTSD? Would they look at me differently? In the short time I have worked in this new job, I think I’ve proven that I am a little bit more than capable of doing this job. I’ve learned fast and I’ve really gotten the hang of my new role. Would they look at what I have accomplished so far and think less of me knowing about my history, past and present, with mental illness?
I started to analyze what she said. Over analyzing is my jam after all. Her joke was funny because it implied that PTSD and shock therapy are extreme reactions to the many frustrating disruptions my department has experienced lately. By her saying that, she was saying that what we have experienced is enough to warrant such an extreme diagnosis and treatment. Let me be clear, I was not offended by what she said. But it reinforced to me that the stigma is still there. People laugh at a joke like that, in my opinion, because society has made it seem that mental illness and the various treatments for it are laughable.
I think the stigma with something like shock therapy also comes from how it is portrayed in horror movies. It is depicted as a violent and painful treatment that causes unbearable suffering for the recipient. From what I know of the history of the treatment, it did originate in that manner. With patients strapped down and wide awake during the procedure, causing extreme duress. It’s scenes like that that kept my own mother from accepting the offer of that treatment when she needed it. It also prevented her from traveling to be by my side when I agreed to have the treatments. She felt it was too barbaric and for her own selfish reasons, she couldn’t bring herself to be with me through it. That’s a whole other story for a different post. But what I want to make clear about all of this is that it is no longer the horrific treatment that people think it is based on what modern horror movies have made it out to be. I don’t even remember much about the actual procedure because once I was wheeled into the room where it was to take place, I was put under complete anesthesia. I woke up in the recovery room and was only groggy, not in pain by any means. The only pain there was came from the IV they had placed in the back of my hand.
Here’s what people really need to know about shock therapy. It changed my life. I was at the lowest point of my depression. My arms were filled with parallel cuts all up and down. Cutting was how I temporarily relieved the mental anguish. Those four ECT treatments are how I relieved the anguish permanently. They did exactly what my doctor said they would do. The electric shocks woke up the part of my brain that wasn’t functioning properly and allowed it to do what it was supposed to do in order to keep me mentally stable. Those treatments were more than 20 years ago and I still have never gone back to feeling as bad as I did back then. I still have to take medicine to keep my mental health in check, but that’s a small price to pay for the complete overhaul those treatments gave me. I was able to finish my first college career because of those treatments. I went on to be a teacher and a school principal for 19 years without worrying about slipping back into such a deep depressive hole. I even managed to get a master’s degree. All of my successes are because those treatments were the catalyst to help me be capable of doing those things. Granted, I had help. The medication and an extremely supportive husband also made a big difference. But when they couldn’t help, the treatments did. And that’s what people need to know about shock therapy. It’s not something to be laughed about. The perception and stigma around mental health treatments like that need to end. I’ve said it in other posts and I’m beginning to think that’s my new goal in life, to advocate for the ending of the stigma surrounding mental illness. Please join me in the fight.
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