Somehow I have managed to write a post at least once every day in January. I didn’t set out to do that, but here we are, on the last day of the month and I’m writing another post. The daily prompt doesn’t particularly speak to me today, so I’d like to make my final January post a little reflective of myself.
I have gained some new subscribers this month and I am so grateful to have them (you) here. I tend to write about whatever I’m thinking at the time. Much of what I have written has also included my healing journey from a toxic work environment that really caused damage to my already fragile mental health. By sharing my mental health struggles, I hope to make it apparent that there is no need for there to be stigma around such issues. There is nothing about me that makes me a danger to society because I have a mental illness. To be fair, there’s nothing dangerous about me for any other reason. I’m fortunate to have access to medication and a therapist who have both helped me along the way. Many people in the United States do not. I want to use my voice somehow to bring awareness to that. That’s a big goal, and I’m not sure how exactly to do that, but I’m figuring it out.
In the meantime, I have enjoyed writing about all the random things that are either important to me or just make me wonder. I’ve done it for so many years with anonymity. I felt that if nobody knew my true identity, I could write more freely. I also couldn’t be identified by people who could put my job in jeopardy for expressing opinions that went against what good Catholic school employees should think and express.
I got to thinking lately, I’m proud that I escaped that Catholic school. I can say whatever I want and not fear for my job—within reason. I mean, I do have a new job that could also be concerned about something radical that I may say. But because I’m not living and writing under fear of judgment, I think it’s time I introduce the real Middle-Aged Maverick. I’ve gotten really comfortable with my voice lately and if someone I know in “real life” happens to see that it’s me writing all of these unpopular opinions about family members or other things and people, well, that’s fine. I’m not sorry for anything I have said and I won’t apologize. I spent too many years apologizing for things I wasn’t sorry for and I won’t do it again. What does that quote say? “Speak your mind because the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.” Something like that.
I especially want to introduce myself properly because it’s getting close to a year since I made the decision to leave my job. Recently I saw a picture from this time last year in my Timehop and it struck me immediately how I looked. It was a random selfie after I got home on a Friday afternoon. I posted it because my 80s curls were poppin’ that day. I put that picture side-by-side with a picture I took last Friday after work. I’m going to post it here and you only need to look in my eyes to see the difference a year makes.
I’m posting it because this is what I want people to know. Anxiety is real. It’s obvious sometimes. My husband says he can see it in my eyes. After I saw this picture, I believe him. People need to know the truth about mental illness. People need to know the truth about what I’ve been through. Hopefully I can help someone. Even if it’s just one person. I want to try.
So…to all my subscribers and people who have randomly come across this post somehow, let me introduce myself. My real name is Sarah. I live in North Carolina. I’m 42 years old, though I feel like I’m still 18 sometimes. Other details will come along as I keep writing.
But for now, this is me:
Welcome to my site. I’m happy to have you here.
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