When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was a teacher, I felt proud to say that I have always wanted to be a teacher. It’s true. I always wanted to be a teacher. I also wanted to be a writer, maybe not when I was five, but at some point in elementary school I decided to be a writer. And a teacher. I liked to write stories and I liked playing ‘school’ in my bedroom. Somewhere in my sister’s garage is a picture that my mother took of me while I was playing. I was sitting on the floor of my room with a small, rectangular chalkboard in front of me. My cabbage patch dolls are seated around the board as I pretended to be their teacher.
I told that story to parents over and over. Sort of as a way to show them how devoted I was to my job educating their children. I never wavered from my wish to be a teacher. I never considered “being” anything else. I use quotation marks like that because teaching was my identity for so long. I was a teacher. It wasn’t just something I did. I declared my major one month after starting college. I was that determined.
When I knew that I was not going to “be” a teacher anymore, especially last year when I quit my school altogether, I was actually really excited about the fact that I didn’t know what kind of job I was going to have next. I was finally going to have the chance to do something different. I could explore so many different things. When I was applying for jobs, there was a whole variety that I tried for. Even though the pay would have been terrible, I was actually pretty disappointed that I didn’t get an interview for the public library and their position of delivering books to the elderly and homebound. How fun would that have been?! To take books out to the community every day?
I really enjoyed the time in between jobs when I just applied for anything that looked interesting. I almost applied to be the counter person at a local tattoo shop. It was only part-time though. Needed those health benefits!
I think I ultimately found a good fit. Still at a school, but in an administrative role that is a lot less stressful and anxiety-inducing. The great thing is, I don’t feel tied to it. If something else comes along that interests me, I will probably apply for it. Because I can. I am not tied so tightly to the idea of one particular career. Granted, being a writer that makes money off her writing would be something I would be devoted to and something I’m really working towards now, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s ok too. Honestly, if I could just work long enough to pay off a couple more credit cards and then save enough money to live on for a while, I would absolutely quit my job and maybe work part-time or not at all. I don’t like working! My job is fine, but I would much rather stay home and be a domestic goddess. That’s what my friend called me during my period of unemployment last summer.
Working is overrated. But 5-year old Sarah, and freshman-in-college Sarah would not believe that if I told her. She would never believe that we quit being a teacher. However, she would be happy that we’re actually pursuing a writing career.
All that’s left of my “when I grow up” dream is the apple tattoo I have on my leg. An apple for the teacher. But also, now, freedom to choose anything else for the former teacher.
Leave a Reply