It’s not talk about it Tuesday today, it’s talk about him. My favorite co-worker is a co-worker no more and because she is at a new job now, I can’t share a laugh about James with her anymore. So let me tell you about James.
There’s a building on the campus where I work. It’s a small office building in comparison to the other larger buildings. I had only worked there for about a month before our entire team was forced to move to different buildings. The HVAC system was being replaced. If you saw any of my posts about Steve–the skull tree topper on my office tree–he was born because my temporary office was a tiny, hole in the wall closet of a room with no window. It was claustrophobic misery in there. I got a tree to lighten it up and make it more bearable. We were only supposed to be displaced for a few months but it got too close to a year for our liking.
This past July, the end of July at that, possibly the beginning of August, we were able to move back to our original building. Not all of us though, only about half of our team. That’s a whole other office politics kind of story though.
So when we came back to our original building, we noticed that our vending machine was empty. It’s one of those that has the snacks and drinks in one machine. Because it’s refrigerated, you have to let some of the candy warm up before you try to eat it. Cold Skittles are a danger to your teeth, just sayin’.
My co-worker suggested I track down James and ask him to fill up the machine. James is someone who works on campus and one of his responsibilities is tending to all of the vending machines across campus. There is a lounge in the building next door with an assortment of machines. I tracked him down there and lightheartedly asked him about filling up our machine since we were back in the building now. He asked what we wanted in there, and offered to fulfill our requests if I emailed him what we wanted. I did. And he did. He put only what was on the list I sent him. Nothing more, nothing less. There are a lot of empty spaces now.
I saw him again not long after he put some things in our machine. I joked with him about how I had forgotten to ask two of our team members what they wanted and could he add some of their requested items too. It was then that I realized James means business. He is hard core serious about what he does. He turned a steely eye to me and with harsh sterness in his voice, he told me that he would wait and see how well we bought up what he had just put in the machine. He emphasized that if he came back and we hadn’t bought very much he would empty the entire machine. I was terrified!
After that cold threat, I told my co-worker about James’ warning and we became immediately fearful of James’ wrath. We were cognizant of how much or how little we were buying from the machine. Often, if I was there buying a drink, I’d buy one for my co-worker. When I’d deliver it to her desk, I’d see that she had already bought one because again, we didn’t want to make James mad. We wanted to keep him happy enough so that he’d keep our machine filled, if even only partially. He still hasn’t filled the machine the rest of the way. Perhaps now that another department has moved into the remaining offices in our building, they will be able to convince James to add more snacks and drinks to the machine. I know one thing for sure, I’m not asking him again. Just seeing his little white truck pulled up in our parking lot and the panic it strikes in my heart is enough to keep me quiet and obedient. I don’t bring my own snacks to work, I choose from what’s in the machine. I force myself to eat the oversized Little Debbie zebra cakes because those were my favorite and specifically requested by me. I can only eat so many! But I keep buying them because as my co-worker said, we don’t want no smoke from James.
Of course, this is all in jest. Sort of. James really did threaten to empty our machine if we didn’t buy enough stuff from it. And I do get a little bit concerned when I go to purchase something and I see that there’s a lot left in there. But also, the lounge room that I mentioned in the building next door has two snack machines and two drink machines. Lots more to choose from and not a far walk. I don’t even have to go outside to get there. A nice, enclosed breezeway connects our two buildings.
Even still, since we’re back after the holiday, I think today I’ll buy a bag of Cheetos and a Coke just to be on the safe side.
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