Maybe Not Yet

Talk About it Tuesday

There’s so much to talk about and that’s just from today alone.

The shorthand version is:

I found out some additional things at work related to me and my job. I was gobsmacked. Almost shaking on the inside.

I wrote an email that called out the things that were making me furious. I sent it to the person who was doing those things and making me furious.

I got a phone call from that person. I elaborated on my email and continued my “calling out” to that person.

I lost count of how many apologies I got and couldn’t keep up writing down all the things that this person plans to do to fix what I complained about.

I can’t tell if I still want to quit. I know I will, at the very least, take time to be selective about where I go next. The sense of urgency is gone. I kind of want to see how this plays out.

Also, I went to my obgyn. A new doctor. An older lady. I told her about my perimenopause concerns. Mostly about the rage and strong emotions. I didn’t get a chance to explain my other symptoms. I go back in a month. She gave me two medicines that she thinks will help.

Here’s what really happened today:

I have felt miserable since last Wednesday. Work was making me feel awful. Angry, emotional, distressed. A lot of that was compounded by my impending period. Sorry to my male readers. I’m a woman. This is our reality. I have to talk about it.

I did not feel right. Something was wrong. This was not normal. It scared me.

So, I advocated for myself as strongly as I could at work. When the big boss got me on the phone today, I didn’t stutter or stammer when explaining all that they had done to contribute to how I felt about my workplace climate. I did not mince words.

I also advocated for myself with a new doctor. I asked follow up questions when she told me things. I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday. Which I’m going to keep. I’m making sure I’m set.

The results?

I was heard. Action was taken because of what I said. I feel better. I haven’t felt this good in at least a couple weeks. I have hope for the immediate future. I can relax now. I’m exhausted by it, but I can breathe again.

That Katy Perry song I’m so in love with, “Roar”, has that line, “I went from zero to my own hero.” I really, truly did.

Who is this person?! Where did she come from?! I’m kind of in love with her!