Self-confidence, honestly, I think is something you are born with. You have it until something takes it away. I remember being out-going and totally happy with who I was all the way up until I was done with the 6th grade. I was living in the same place as I had since I was 4. I knew all the kids I went to school with, and even when I transitioned into middle school, I knew some of the people there and continued to be who I was, without much attention paid to what people thought of me.
Then we moved to a different state…a small town in a new state to be exact. One of those towns where everybody has known everybody their whole lives. I showed up at the start of the 7th grade in weird clothes (that I liked), not knowing a single person, and because I didn’t know anybody, I lost my out-going-ness. I sat against the wall during the breaks/mini-recess we had after lunch and read a book instead of talking to people. That did a lot to diminish my self-confidence. Especially once I started being picked on, simply for being who I was.
It makes me wonder how my life would have turned out had we not moved away when we did. What would I have been like if I never had to be the “new kid”. Or, what if I decided to be out-going in my new school regardless of knowing the other kids or not. One of my closest friends in the later years of high school was new halfway through the year in the 11th grade. I don’t know how she did it but she almost immediately became a part of the “cool kids” group—the preps as we called them. How the hell did she do that?! She would actually be better qualified to answer this question.
But, given what I have learned about myself over the past two years since my “evolution” began, I can honestly say that self-confidence is built by simply being yourself. Whatever that looks like. Whatever that means to you. Two years ago, my “self” was a lot different than my current self. I didn’t have a lot of confidence when I started this journey. My confidence was based on the opinion of my “mentor”. I felt good about myself when she felt good about something I had done. A trash way to evaluate my worth, but it is what it was.
My confidence grew after I left her presence for good and I began to feel more and more comfortable saying and doing things that felt right. Well, to be fair, therapy and healing from past trauma helped immensely with this process. But the more and more I said my thoughts and opinions out loud (or in writing online) for people to hear and see, the more I felt confident to keep doing that. And I kept doing things that I wanted to. Usually I started doing them after saying “f*** it” first. In fact, I distinctly remember saying that before I bought a pile of new earrings from Claire’s. Earrings that teenagers where because they’re cute, colorful, and kitschy. At 40 something years old, I wore them anyway (and still do). I feel confident when I wear them.
Then there’s the tattoos. If tattoos are not your thing, you’ve got to find something else that is. Something that makes you feel good about yourself. Manicures and pedicures maybe? Having pretty nails?
I honestly don’t know what it is about all my tattoos that make me feel super confident when I go out in public in shorts and a tank top leaving all of them exposed for the general public to see. Even if nobody comments on them, just walking through a store with them all hanging out makes me feel good about myself.
I’ve got lots of other examples of things that I do that I feel confident in myself doing. But what it all boils down to is you gain self-confidence by doing the things you want to do. The more and more you do it, the less scary it becomes and the more it becomes a part of your identity.
Certainly, there could be something that happens in the future that again shakes my confidence, but I think I’m now better equipped to gain it back if that were to happen.
It’s kind of like that famous quote from “Little Miss Sunshine”—you do what you love and f*** the rest. That’s really the key to confidence. Do what you love. That’s it. Do what you love with the confidence of a toddler running around in a super hero cape. It’ll grow on its own if you keep doing that. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
So there you have it. The key to building self-confidence. Now go out and start building.
Want to help me accomplish my dream of being a paid writer? Buy me a coffee!
Leave a Reply